


Fulmen

by Savasta_101



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Harry Potter is exceptionally dense, Manipulative Tom Riddle, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25763845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savasta_101/pseuds/Savasta_101
Summary: Hogwarts has a long history of mysteriously disappearing students, so no-one was too concerned when the first five disappeared. The explosions were slightly concerning, and the brutal murders rather bad press.Or, what if Tom Riddle was just a little bit smarter in the Chamber of Secrets?
Kudos: 3





	Fulmen

The penultimate murders found Harry Potter standing over his best friends’ bodies, a leering grin on his face and emerald eyes cold, as he artistically arranged their twisted limbs with his wand, so they were curled together in a heart-shaped embrace. And then he hissed “Fulmen.” and his calling card shot out of his wand, and suspended itself in the air, the dreaded golden lightning bolt.

The first kill took place six years before. Sally Anne Perks went missing one day, playing by the Great Lake, and never returned. The Hufflepuff second years whispered that the Giant Squid had got her, and they were correct, although they missed Harry Potter levitating her into the maw of said Giant Squid. There was no investigation, of course, given the girl was only a muggleborn, and Hogwarts had a long-established tradition of students mysteriously vanishing. Dumbledore offered a Lemon Drop to her parents before he obliviated them.

The second and third kills took place in one fell swish of a wand. Colin Creevey was taking photos of an X-rated nature in the Room of Requirements with Hagrid, only for Hagrid’s pink umbrella to explode. All that was left was the camera and, having seen the photos, Professor McGonagall decided Hogwarts had taken offence to such indecency within her walls.  


Ernie Macmillan and Zacharias Smith choked on roast parsnips at the Yule Ball and, as they were such twats, Professor Dumbledore personally thanked the house-elves, who were quite distraught over the whole affair.

Things really came to a head when the Room of Requirement blew up while the DA were practising, with only Harry, Hermione and Ron, who were late due to Ron’s unusually large breakfast, having escaped death by imploding cat ceramics. Professor Umbridge claimed credit, and the school were told you too would be blown up by feline explosives if you attended a club.  


Harry was quite saddened by the whole affair, although he didn’t really know anyone who wasn’t in Gryffindor or Slytherin, as the other two houses – he believed they were called Higglepuffdy and Ruffdraw – ceased to exist unless he wanted to snog one of their seekers.

He was having a terrible time waking up in strange places covered in a red, remarkably blood-like substance, and concluded he must be sleep-walking and having midnight feasts of strawberry jam. Thank goodness the house-elves were so good at getting it out of his robes.  


Order members were being attacked by a mysterious assassin, whose only calling card was the glowing, gold lightning bolt left over his victim’s bodies. Cornelius Fudge, who had been seduced by Voldemort twenty-five years ago, decided to turn a blind eye while his flat-nosed lover massaged his aching feet.

It was only when Harry found his hand acting of its own volition, and pointing his wand towards his face, that he contemplated the thought anything might be wrong. “Merlin’s periwinkle G-string!” he had time to curse, before the green light of the Killing Curse covered his sight.

(2 months before the Perks case; the Chamber of Secrets and hot broody teenage mass murderers)

“You’ve got to help me, Tom,” Harry said, raising Ginny’s head again. “We’ve got to get her out of here. There’s a basilisk … I don’t know where it is, but it could be along any moment …. Please, help me –“

The mini evil Dark Lord took a moment to process how utterly dense Harry Potter was, then decided on a change of plan. “I wish I could help Harry, really I do,” said the tiny terror tremulously. “but He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would kill us for defying him like this.”

“Don’t worry Tom, I’ll protect you.”

The pint-sized incarnation of evil grinned, shark-like. “Do you swear on your magic.”

“I swear on my magic to protect you, uh –

“Tom Marvalo Riddle.” Tom interjected helpfully.

“I swear on my magic to protect you Tom Marvalo Riddle from any who might harm you.”

There was a searing gold flash of light, and the imprint of a lightning bolt flashed in the air.

“You’ll help now, right?”

“Of course Harry, we’re friends. Wanna see my pet?”


End file.
